Not sure if there has been a more perfect weekend of football, but this was pretty close.

The Quiet Stench of Tony Dungy strikes again. If this was indeed Dungy's final game as an NFL coach, this was a fitting outcome. The Colts came to San Diego riding high on a nine-game winning streak, expectations of another Super Bowl berth looming large and the season ends -- once again -- with the ultimate failure.

Watching Dungy with that stupid smirk on his face as his team again failed in the clutch was a fitting final snapshot for one of the biggest hucksters in NFL history.

Dungy will now enjoy the platitudes of the media that he has snowed for years. He will once again play the "will he or won't he" card again, a media-whoring practice that has gone on so long that even Brett Favre himself has to be impressed. What's sad is that when Dungy does retire, you can bet that morons like Peter King and other Dungy enablers will try to paint him as a Hall of Fame coach. A notion that isn't as laughable as it is sad. The only thing worse than is record on civil rights, is his playoff record.

Saturday's loss was classic Colts. You know those Burger King commercials where they find people living in remote villages to do a taste test? If the NFL wanted to ever show the quintessential Tony Dungy/Gomer choke job to remote villagers in Tibet, Saturday's loss was it.

A lot of Colts fans might lament the bad calls in overtime. Or maybe the unjustness of NFL overtime. I tried to change the overtime rules, but you laughed. But none of that should have mattered. The Colts had a chance to close the game on a third-and-2, but Gomer does what he always does -- he folded. Gomer was sacked by Tim Dobbins and the rest was history.

Turns out that Gomer's underserved MVP award couldn't get him the first down. Hopefully those idiots who voted Gomer for MVP saw that play (along with the rest of the game) and are ashamed of themselves today. Sure, it's a regular season award. But come on, if you didn't see this coming, you don't deserve a vote.

• If Dungy does retire, he said that he wants to work “hands-on” with young men. Well, that certainly explains a lot. Let’s just say watch your foot if you are in the stall next to Dungy while you are visiting the airport.
  

• Hey Gomer, get a haircut. Worst. Stoyline. Ever.
  

• Can somebody explain how Philip Rivers didn’t get voted to the Pro Bowl? Not that it will matter because Favre isn’t going to Hawaii. Maybe Rivers should try choking in big games and making goofy commercials. Because clearly, being a better quarterback than Gomer isn’t getting him the recognition that he deserves. Too bad he doesn’t have an annoying twit brother playing in the NFL, or an overbearing father to really push him over the top.
  

• Colts fans must hate losing to the Chargers in the playoffs every year. But it really must burn seeing that they continue to do it without their star players. Not that Darren Sproles isn't a star. But come on, he's not LaDainian Tomlinson in his prime. And neither is L.T. anymore.
  

• Eddie Guns was doing a game this weekend? And, if TV is to be believed, Eddie's crew was the highest-rated referee crew going. How awful has NFL officiating become? And even if Eddie's crew was good, you can't let them do a playoff game. Not this year. And not unless they were going to do the Chargers game. But -- and I could be wrong -- that should be it for that crew in the playoffs.

FIRE UP THE MACHINE
True champions make the plays when they need to. Gomer couldn’t convert a third-and-2 with his season on the line. But the Kurt Warner Machine picked up a big third-and-16 with the Cardinals clinging to a 6-point lead.

Remind me, who was the league’s most valuable player?

Actually, the Cardinals were playing to win the game. The Colts don’t roll that way. That explains why the Cardinals will still be playing this weekend.

That and the Cardinals defense. Seriously, what got into the Cardinals defense? You had to wonder if Matt Ryan was giving his snap counts to the Cardinals defensive line instead of his own. And really Matt, try mixing in a hard count next time. That was the difference. The rookie quarterback and rookie coach were exposed by the Cardinals and their coaching staff.

And good news for Arizona, Carolina isn’t exactly a well-coached team.

The Cardinals celebrated like they had won the Super Bowl after wrapping up the division earlier this year. But they seemed more business like this time around. Could the Cardinals actually be growing up? Hey, nobody expected them to win this game, they certainly have a good shot against the Panthers.

• Matty Ice. Worst. Nickname. Ever. But much better than, Matty "I ruined my brother's college career by running into a tanker truck" Ice.
  

SOME EASY CONFERENCE
Utah has rendered the BCS title game meaningless. Sorry Florida and Oklahoma, you are playing for second place. The only logical conclusion from the Sugar Bowl is that Utah is the best team in the national, and really, it’s not close.

Some can claim that Alabama is overrated. Whatever that means. The Crimson Tide entered the game 12-1, and were the top-ranked team for six weeks. They were barely beaten by Florida in the SEC championship game, and that’s good enough for me.

Utah is undefeated, beat four ranked teams and embarrassed the No. 2 team from the alleged best conference in football. Case closed.

And for the record, the Mountain West needs to be included in the BCS rotation. Big Ten, ACC or Big East … it doesn’t matter who you want to exclude, but the Mountain West has earned its place as an automatic BCS qualifier.

How great would a game between USC and Utah be right now?

AND FINALLY
There were a couple of NFL games on Sunday, but they really couldn’t compare to Saturday’s games. And that’s the thing about the postseason. Having those Saturday night primetime playoff games is awesome. I read somebody complaining about those games because they said, “Saturdays are for going out and hanging out with their friends.”

And your friends don’t like football on Saturday night? That’s not the type of people that I would like to hang out with. Losers.

Labels: The Post Mortem

Don't know why I even bothered to go on record here. You probably want to picks of Reader Matt P. -- winner of the Gridiron Apocalypse 11. And really, the first two should come as no surprise. Raven is a slam dunk, and hell, no real insight into Philadelphia. Just a gut call.

Labels: Wild Card Picks

Congratulations to Ohio State, because it would take an awfully savage beating to try to come close to the embarrassment that Penn State suffered in the Rose Bowl. Maybe now, Big Ten will finally have to admit that USC is pretty good at football. You can no longer hide behind the excuse that USC has excelled against the No. 2 team in the Big Ten. USC played the conference's best, and there was no doubt.

Of course, you can still try to spin it that Penn State wasn't as good as some recent Ohio State teams. But you've run out of excuses. Time for the Big Ten to lose it's automatic BCS berth. Not to mention, multiple BCS bids. That should never happen again. (Even if Ohio State miracles a win over Texas.)

Not sure if you notice, either, but the morbid Pac-10 went undefeated during the bowl season. Sometimes, it's not how you start, but how you finish. The Pac-10 took some lumps early this season, but finished pretty well.

Labels: Pac-10

Deposed Broncos coach Mike Shanahan replaced the bumbling Wade Phillips in 1995, and you had better believe that it's going to happen again. Denver's owner Pat Bowlen did the unthinkable and fired Shanahan after the Broncos choked away the AFC West title. Ending a partnership that had grown stale in recent years.

That means that Dallas is the next logical step for Shanahan.

And hey, if you consider the bad character guys Shanahan was bringing to Denver (as pointed out by Pierre LePud), moving to Dallas wouldn't be that big of a jump.

And it also would be a bad case of Déjà vu for Phillips.

But this would fit perfectly into Jerry Jones' mindset of bringing in a big-name coach and it might actually work. Hey, do you think he could get Phillips to accept a demotion to defensive coordinator? That might be the Cowboys' best bet.

Still, it's a better than even-money proposition that Shanahan will be the Cowboys' coach next season. Jones just can't help himself. And Shanahan's somewhat surprising unemployment will allow Jones to play the, "I would have kept Wade, but when Shanahan falls onto the open market, you have to make a move."

Shanahan doesn't have to make a move right now. There are some other job openings with the Browns, Lions and the Jets. The first two don't seem like a good fit for the Orange Hobgoblin. The Jets gig might intrigue Shanahan who could be swayed by the neon lights on Broadway. But come on, what coaching gig is bigger than the Dallas Cowboys job?

And would that lead Jake Plummer to come back and guide the Cowboys to the Super Bowl?

Shanahan seems like a lock for the Cowboys.

Labels: Sorry Wade it was a nice run

Eli Messiah gets a ton of grief on this site -- and for good reason. For starters, he's a huge d-bag. And second, his dad is a huge d-bag, too. Gomer, huge d-bag. And we don't know Cooper, but you get the drill. Plus you know Jim Sorgi's mom probably doesn't like the guy, either. But Eli got a good shot in at Tony Romo when he was pressed on whether little brother would travel to San Diego to watch Gomer lose to the Chargers.

"No, no, no plans," Messiah said. As an afterthought, Messiah added: "My plans to Cabo fell through, so I am going to sit here."

Nice job, Eli. That was a great quip. But then he added:

"That is a joke, by the way."

Yeah, uh, Eli ... just because you look like you're special, doesn't mean that the rest of us are. Come on man, you didn't need to add that. We got it. We wanted to laugh. Now you just showed that even with a great line, you are still a tool.

Labels: So close Eli

Hard to figure out what is more delicious: The Chargers sending the Broncos and that punk Jay Cutler home (again) in one of the most historic meltdowns in NFL history? Or the 8-8 Chargers reaching the playoffs, while the Patriots (11-5) will be watching from home?

And do we really need to ask this question, because we all know it’s the later. Not even going to try to pull a swerve here.

After suffering at the hands of Boston fans, the tide is finally starting to turn. And what’s sweeter is the impending hissy that ESPN’s Sports Dork, Bill Simpson, will be throwing in the near future. Well, if he can ever break away from his busy schedule of being the world’s biggest ingrate. The Dork – according to reliable sources from Sons of the Sports Guy – complained that it was the refs who screwed the Celtics on Christmas Day. (Seriously, unless you have Ed Houchuli sending you apologetic emails, shut your trap about crooked referees.)

But here’s the scoop for all of you Boston lemmings who figure to follow the Sports Nozzle off the cliff: The NFL playoff system didn’t screw the Patriots. The Patriots screwed the Patriots. Sure, New England had an 11-5 record. But if they had taken care of business against the Chargers earlier in the year, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. That’s the inconvenient truth.

That and your team just sucks. You let the Dolphins win the AFC East. How do Boston fans even have the audacity to believe that they should be in the playoffs?

But hey, this will be a nice warmup for Boston fans that will likely go through the same thing when the Red Sox win 90 games, but still finish behind the Yankees and Rays.

Enjoy!

• Gomer is not going to be enjoying it. Gomer has had a great run against Denver – especially in the playoffs. Going to San Diego was the last thing that he wanted to do. The Colts are riding a hot streak, but so are the Chargers. And don’t forget who closed down the RCA Dome last year.

• Jim Sorgi’s Mom is probably suffering the biggest hangover of her life right now. Can’t you just see her now, a couple of belts in, and berating Gormer from the stands? “Hey Gomer, you got your butt kicked by the Titans. But my boy Sorgi (weird, his mom calls him by his last name) is killing them! Play Sorgi in the playoffs! We’ll win the Sooooper Bowl!” Seriously, I want to party with Sorgi’s mom in San Diego next week. I have to find a way to make that happen.

• Looking back, it’s hard to imagine how this all was possible. And even harder to imagine, Norv Turner has taken this team to the playoffs. Twice. He just bought himself five extra seasons. What is worse is that the Chargers will start 0-8 next year and be all, “Hey, as long as you get hot at the right time.” How is this possible?

• How long does the Orange Hobgoblin get to run the show in Denver? Are they already starting to turn on him up there? The Broncos really need to make a run at Mike Nolan to be defensive coordinator and maybe a pro personnel person who can actually find some defensive players. Oh, and maybe some running backs who can stay healthy. What's weird, is that it looked like the OH was going to out-coach Norv. But then Champ Bailey couldn't cover anybody and it was over.
  

• Take it back. The most awesome thing from yesterday is that dude’s mustache in that picture. That thing is awesome.

HATRIOT LIVE FROM THE LINC
Hopefully this isn’t out of line printing these text messages here, but you have to see these.

“Dude, it was the craziest game I’ve been to even before kickoff. Thousands of drunk Iggles fans chanting “Let’s Go Raiders.”

Or how about this gem.

“Dude, I feel like all of the Iceberg fans at the last Titanic game!”

Great analogy. Some might have tried to work in a reference to a Santa costume and a blowtorch, but the Hatriot found a tragedy we can all laugh at. Even though I believe that it's too soon.

• Tony Romo collapsed in the shower after the game. What, did he think that he saw an Eagles lineman running after him again? That should certainly help rebuild his image as a guy who can’t perform in the big game. Jessica Simpson is probably already reaching for Johnny Knoxville’s number. Hopefully, this incident won’t keep him off the red carpet this offseason.

• In that picture, Romo and Simpson look like two carp in the Mississippi River going after the same piece of corn. Props to you if you are not Y2Jericholic or Reader Matt P. and you get that reference.
  

AND FINALLY
Who feels the worst today, the Cowboys, Broncos or Lions? You are all wrong.

The answer is the Buccaneers.

Come on, we all should have seen this coming with the Cowboys. What, was this the year that Romo was going to win big? You could tell from Wade Phillips befuddled expression that this team was overmatched before they walked on to the field. Even Andy Reid seems like a great big-game coach next to Phillips.

Nobody respected the Broncos, so they weren’t a huge letdown.

The Lions. Really, it’s hard to feel anything about the Lions going 0-16. Like I thought I would feel more joy, but instead I feel nothing. Lee Roy Selmon and the boys, however, aren’t impressed. If the Lions, however, hadn’t beaten the Chiefs in Week 16 last season, they would be closing in on 0-26. But the Lions just feel like another bad team.

The Buccaneers are different. The looked like a real playoff team. In fact, they looked like a team that could advance to the Super Bowl. Instead, they will have to regroup and figure out who their quarterback is going to be. Jon Gruden might be a patron saint of THN, but he needs to find a quarterback and stick with him. The owners need to start kicking down some money, too.

But maybe the bigger issue is if Gruden will even come back next season.

Labels: The Post Mortem

Nice win for the Lakers on Thursday, but seeing that the team doesn’t celebrate it’s championships in December, the win didn’t really mean anything during the unofficial opening of the NBA season. (There is a rumor spreading that the NBA season actually tipped off sometime around Halloween, but who watches that much regular season NBA? The most meaningless of all sports regular seasons. Yes, even more meaningless than that regular season … don’t bother putting that in the comments.)

But when you stop to consider that Mark Teixeria didn’t sign with the Red (expletives), the Patriots will likely finish 11-5 only to not make the playoffs and now the Cellbitch were disposed like a bad Christmas sweater – that’s kind of cool. Maybe some of the transplants living out here would consider moving back. Just kidding, they realize that Boston sucks, too.

PLAYOFFS UNFAIR
There is some chirping that the NFL’s current playoff system is unfair. There is some grumbling that a pair of 8-8 teams are going to make it to the playoffs. Well, why don’t you get over it? Of course, this is only an issue because it’s the Patriots who are being robbed. Don’t fool yourself. If the AFC or NFC West had a trio of 11-5 teams, nobody would say a word if the Jets qualified for the playoffs at 8-8.

But since it’s screwing the Patriots, now everybody is up in arms over it. Too bad. If the NFL was really based on fairness, why not force the East Coast teams to put retractable roofs over their stadiums? But both arguments are stupid.

If the Patriots do miss the playoffs, they have nobody but themselves to blame seeing that they lost to the Chargers during the regular season. This isn’t the BCS.

• Lot of meaningless games this weekend, and your fantasy leagues should be done by now. But if not, punch yourself in the face if you are looking forward to any of these games: Atlanta at St. Louis; Pittsburgh vs. Cleveland; Chiefs at Bengals; Tennessee at Indianapolis; Washington at San Francisco.

• Remember when people were talking up the NFC East as the best division in football? Watch the Cowboys lose at Philadelphia (with the Hatriot in attendance), allowing the Bears and Vikings to sneak in. Please allow this to happen. But for the Bears to get in, they need the Raiders to beat the Buccaneers on the road. In other words, enjoy watching the playoffs at home, Bears.

• The gutless Panthers are going to find a way to loose to the Saints, falling down to the fifth seed in the playoffs. And then, they will loose to the Cardinals in the first round. That’s probably the surest bet of Week 17 and Wild Card weekend.

AND FINALLY
Merry Christmas.

And if you don't celebrate Christmas, where the hell was my mail on Thursday?

Labels: The Weak Ender

First baseman Mark Teixeira got his first taste of the postseason this year and he obviously didn't like it -- because he signed a deal with the annual alsorans, the New York Yankees. And to be honest, paying $170 million for a guy who couldn't manage an extra base hit in the postseason seems like a lot of money. Unless, of course, you are the Yankees who don't figure to be in the postseason mix for an awfully long time.

And if the Yankees do make the postseason, at least A-Rod will have somebody hiding with him in the closet when the big moments come along.

Honestly, Teixeira was a good guy (from my Angels sources) and he's an outstanding regular-season hitter. But damn, the Angels couldn't get past the Red Sox with him, so why bother paying him that much money? Don't fret about the team not signing another player. The Angels have been aggressive in recent years. Some times it works out (Torii Hunter) and sometimes not so much (Sarge Jr.).

Hopefully the Angels will actually make a play for Manny Ramirez. They have to do it. Matthews is going to be out of the mix until at least June. Then you can have the four outfielder/DH slots spread around Manny, Juan Rivera, Hunter and Vladamir Guerrero. That would be kind of cool.

Meanwhile, Tex and A-Rod can pile up meaningless homeruns as they finish behind the Tampa Bay Rays. Again.

Labels: You knew when he wouldn't take Mike Butcher's number that he wasn't staying

The Poinsettia Bowl figures to be one of the best -- if not the best -- games of the college bowl season and here it is being wasted tonight. Now it's bad enough that the terrorists that run the BCS picked Ohio (we couldn't score a touchdown against USC) State to be in a BCS bowl, but they had to stick these WAC and Mountain West super powers in a Tuesday-night game.

And honestly, if there is ever a second civil war it will be triggered because some undeserving team from the Big Ten is put in a college championship that it doesn't belong in. And that doesn't just count football. How many times must Big Ten schools host college baseball regionals they don't deserve? Not to say that the Big Ten is bad in baseball. But you could take Division III Champman University (Orange) and drop them in the Big Ten and I would guarantee that they would win the division.

But hey, given how much the Rust Belt blows,guess we should let them have their BCS bowl bids and such. I mean, how bad must your life suck when the only thing you have to look forward to is your crappy school getting humiliated by one of the big boys? Again.

Labels: Put Ohio State in Division II